Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke. He woke Watson and said: „Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
I see millions and millions of stars," Watson replied.
„What does that tell you?”
Watson thought and then said: „Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies. Astrologically, I see that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, the time is about a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is allpowerful. Meterologically, we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does is tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: „Watson, you ass. Someone has stolen our tent.”


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two men are standing on the top of a cliff. One has a budgie on each shoulder, the other a parrot and a shotgun. The first man jumps off, and on the way down his two budgies fly away. He crashes on to his back. He looks up just in time to see his friend jumpf off, too. As the second man jumps, the parrot flies away. The man pulls out his gun and shoots the bird. He then crashes on to the rocks as well. The first man turns to him and says: „I really donīt see what is so great about this budgie-jumping.” The second man replies: „No, and Iīm not too impressed with this free-fall parrot-Shooting, either.”

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said: „The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!”

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

„Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard a big splash. „Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, „we should just put up a sign that says „bridge out” instead?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their hotel room and says to his wife, „Notice anything different, Helen?”

Helen looks him over, „Nope.”

 

Sam says excitedly, „Come on, Helen, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?”

Helen looks again, „Nope.”

 

Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, „Notice anything Different?”

 

Helen looks up and says, „Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

 

Furious, Sam yells, „and do you know why itīs hanging down, Helen? Itīs hanging down because itīs looking at my new Boots!”

 

To which Helen replies, „Shoulda bought a hat, Sam, Shoulda bought a hat.”